Hearing God's Voice in my Weakness

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Everybody is weak in some manner or fashion.  I often see my weaknesses as faults, areas I need to overcome, change and get better at.  Sometimes, in the case of weaknesses, this is true and God does want us to change.  But lately, I think God has been trying to tell me something else through my weaknesses.  Tomorrow Andy and I are going to the hospital to meet with my GI surgeon.  I have a surgery scheduled for 11:30 for her to repair some sort of intestinal distress.  This is not my first surgery; it is somewhere between my 7th and 11th.  Every surgery I think this is it, this will be my last.  I will no longer be a wife, woman, mother who has something wrong with her.  I will be a healed woman so I can testify to others how God has healed me and I have become SuperMom, SuperWife, SuperTeacher.  Instead, issues keep coming up.  The other day, for the first time ever, I pondered the idea of not being healed.  Of staying weak, of having this be a life-long battle, trying to live with this weakness and still function as a wife, mother and teacher.  Oh my!!!!  Part of my concern with this scenario is the admitting to others my weakness.  By saying, I cannot fix this sickness, I feel like I have admitted I've failed. 

Then the other day I read this verse Paul wrote in Corinthians.  "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  No where in this passage does God say he will heal Paul, no matter how many times he has cried out in anguish.  Instead, God is saying through this, I need you to draw on my strength.  Through this I need you to come closer to me.  Through this I need you to experience my love and grace.  Now I am not Paul, but I'm pretty sure I know how he felt.  Really God, creator of the universe, you're not going to fix this for me?  You're not going to heal me and make me better so I can be your poster child?  For you see, God never asked me to be a Superstar mom, wife or teacher, instead he asked me to draw near to him.  In my mind, my weakness is an obstacle to overcome so I could show how strong a person I am, how great I am.  Instead God is asking me to draw near to him, be still, realize without him I am weak, not just physically, but spiritually.  It is not my sickness that is making me weak, it is my spirit.  When I lean on God as my strength and allow his grace to fill me, I will move past my physical weakness.  For you see, without my sickness I would not take the time to be still, be with God and it is through those moments that I can draw on his strength and be filled with peace.