Celia is 6 years old. Two weekends ago her little friend spent the night. We have a rule/guideline that when she spends the night Celia sleeps on the top bunk and when Celia spends the night at her house, her friend sleeps on her top bunk. (Top bunk at your home) Well Celia had hurt her ankle so I made her sleep on the bottom bunk to keep ice on her foot. Needless to say, this caused a huge fuss from Celia. Celia is what I call a HSC (highly sensitive child). She is not an easy-going little person- she loves passionately and she hurts hugely. God has blessed her with an incredible sensitivity to other people's feelings and pain, but she also is incredibly emotional. A lot of the time, I do not know how to parent her. In this case, she became inconsolable even though her foot really hurt and she should not have been going up and down her ladder. We got out our feelings chart so she could share with us how she was feeling and she promptly picked the face picture for jealous. It was a word we had not talked about before, but it was definitely how she felt.
After this incident, I started to think about jealousy. Jealousy does not end with childhood. The bible says not to covet your neighbor's wife (husband) or goods. Easy-right? HA! Without even realizing how, that little black finger of jealousy can slip into my mind, turning my heart pitch black. I can always feel this happening, and when it does, do I turn my thoughts to GOD, asking him to guide them? NO, I start to wallow in my black-hearted jealousy pretending that I have a right to anything. It shames me to say, but people I normally love and cherish get torn apart in my mind just because of that one little word J.E.A.L.O.U.S. It has to be the worst feeling in the world! I completely agree with Celia when she said, "Mom, I don't want to feel jealous." So, why does the Lord let us feel this way? I can understand other emotions: joy, sadness, despair, contentment, even anger- but jealousy? It seems so pointless. In the end, I think Chris Tomlin's lyrics are the reason why we as humans can experience jealousy. When that black finger of jealousy starts to tap on your mind, God wants us to realize that HE is enough. For every thirst and every need, He satisfies my every need. Jealousy can be an awesome avenue for dependence on GOD. The key is recognizing when it starts and praising HIM for meeting your every need, realizing that you are precious in HIS sight and more than enough for HIM. So easy to say, so hard to to, but I am challenging myself try it. After all, most positive changes aren't easy, but this one would be worth it.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Living by the Golden Rule...
He answered: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Luke 10:27
Last night I read this wonderful blog post about how you are enough for your children, they do not want or need perfection. Here is the link http://powerofmoms.com/2012/04/your-children-want-you/ . The insightful words in this post have resignated with me and really made me start to think. From the time we're little (at least those of us who were raised Christian) we're told to live by the Golden Rule. Well, I can honestly say I try to and that's part of my problem. As a growing Christian, I am constantly trying to love my God with all my heart, soul, and strength. This is a growing and learning process which I have discovered I will never master on my own. I have to let God lead me. It often feels like I am taking two baby steps forward and one giant step back- a giant game of Mother-May-I, which constantly shows me how broken I am, and how in need of God's GRACE/ FORGIVENESS/ LOVE/ HOPE/ MERCY /
HEALING (the list could go on and on) I am. However, it is the second part of this verse I want to ponder on today.
'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
I shamefully and honestly say I do this. I am just as critical, judgemental, opinionated, closed-minded, and hate-filled towards others as myself. I know those words sound harsh, but in many ways they're true. I judge others like I judge myself and I can tell you, like you all, I am my harshest critic! On a regular basis, I mentally rip myself a new a****** for not living up to society's idea of perfection. I often don't even realize I'm doing this. I'll look in the mirror and think, "If only my boobs were bigger, my nose smaller, etc, etc." Or I'll go to a friend's house and I'll think, "Why doesn't my house smell this fresh; how come I can't manage to get our clean laundry folded and put away- it's always sitting in a basket in our family room." Or I'll read an article about a woman who is a mom and teacher, just like me, but in her spare time is training to try out to be an olimpic marathoner and I think, "What the hell is wrong with you, you barely work out once every two weeks!" So my lovely friends and neighbors, I am loving you as myself and that's the problem! We live in a society that is so concerned with perfection we have forgotten that we are all broken. No matter how hard I try, I am never going to live up to what my ideal is and if I keep "loving" others with this ideal in my mind, I will die a bitter, hateful, negative, lonely woman.
After really pondering this for the last 20 or so hours, I have realized it is through the first part of the Golden Rule that you can achieve the second part. Without accepting and realizing that I cannot live without God's GRACE/ FORGIVENESS/LOVE/HOPE/MERCY/HEALING, etc., etc., etc., and accepting these gifts from HIM, I will never be able to approach my neigbors with GRACE/FORGIVENESS/LOVE/HOPE/MERCY/HEALING.
However, in the meantime.... (forgive me Jesus!) I am rewriting the Golden Rule to remind myself of the direction my loving needs to take. Andrea's version is this:
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; "Love your neighbor like your dog loves you: unconditionally, in your face, and passionately."
Last night I read this wonderful blog post about how you are enough for your children, they do not want or need perfection. Here is the link http://powerofmoms.com/2012/04/your-children-want-you/ . The insightful words in this post have resignated with me and really made me start to think. From the time we're little (at least those of us who were raised Christian) we're told to live by the Golden Rule. Well, I can honestly say I try to and that's part of my problem. As a growing Christian, I am constantly trying to love my God with all my heart, soul, and strength. This is a growing and learning process which I have discovered I will never master on my own. I have to let God lead me. It often feels like I am taking two baby steps forward and one giant step back- a giant game of Mother-May-I, which constantly shows me how broken I am, and how in need of God's GRACE/ FORGIVENESS/ LOVE/ HOPE/ MERCY /
HEALING (the list could go on and on) I am. However, it is the second part of this verse I want to ponder on today.
'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
I shamefully and honestly say I do this. I am just as critical, judgemental, opinionated, closed-minded, and hate-filled towards others as myself. I know those words sound harsh, but in many ways they're true. I judge others like I judge myself and I can tell you, like you all, I am my harshest critic! On a regular basis, I mentally rip myself a new a****** for not living up to society's idea of perfection. I often don't even realize I'm doing this. I'll look in the mirror and think, "If only my boobs were bigger, my nose smaller, etc, etc." Or I'll go to a friend's house and I'll think, "Why doesn't my house smell this fresh; how come I can't manage to get our clean laundry folded and put away- it's always sitting in a basket in our family room." Or I'll read an article about a woman who is a mom and teacher, just like me, but in her spare time is training to try out to be an olimpic marathoner and I think, "What the hell is wrong with you, you barely work out once every two weeks!" So my lovely friends and neighbors, I am loving you as myself and that's the problem! We live in a society that is so concerned with perfection we have forgotten that we are all broken. No matter how hard I try, I am never going to live up to what my ideal is and if I keep "loving" others with this ideal in my mind, I will die a bitter, hateful, negative, lonely woman.
After really pondering this for the last 20 or so hours, I have realized it is through the first part of the Golden Rule that you can achieve the second part. Without accepting and realizing that I cannot live without God's GRACE/ FORGIVENESS/LOVE/HOPE/MERCY/HEALING, etc., etc., etc., and accepting these gifts from HIM, I will never be able to approach my neigbors with GRACE/FORGIVENESS/LOVE/HOPE/MERCY/HEALING.
However, in the meantime.... (forgive me Jesus!) I am rewriting the Golden Rule to remind myself of the direction my loving needs to take. Andrea's version is this:
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; "Love your neighbor like your dog loves you: unconditionally, in your face, and passionately."
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Momminess...
Our oldest child, Celia turned 6 today. She is a beautiful, joyful, passionate child. Her heart is so big for people hurting, babies and any animal. She feels a responsibilty to take care of everyone. In fact, it is hard for her to separate from this part of her personality. She is always a little "mommy". For example, I just had surgery 3 weeks ago. I am not supposed to pick up a lot or bend or do any normal housework. Just the other day, our scoundrel dog catapoulted himself onto the table to try and eat our dyed Easter eggs when we were visiting at the neighbors. When we got home and I discovered the giant mess our dog had created, I texted our neighbor. She let Celia know that the dog had destroyed all our eggs and how does Celia respond, "Oh no, I need to go home and help Mommy to make sure she doesn't hurt herself picking up the mess." When Lisa told me this my heart melted for my sweet, sweet baby girl.
I can't believe Celia is 6. 6 is starting to get into big time kid. We have moved past infancy, babyness, toddler, and pre-schooler. We are now ankle-deep into school age. How did this happen? How did my beautiful, precious baby become a little girl? My entrance into motherhood happened rather quickly after Andy and I got married. We were not sure I could have children due to my surgeries from UC so we left it up to God. We figured, when HE was ready for us to have a child, we were ready too. Well, HE was ready 6 weeks later and that was the end of our newlywed, only a couple life. After an incredibly long, hard and sickful pregnancy, this beautiful, 6 pound, spitfire became part of our family and I will never be the same. Being a mommy does not completely define who I am, there are many facets to me, but you can never take it out of me. If God forbid, something happened to Celia and Charlie, the momminess would still be in me. I am no longer the same creature I was at 25- I have procreated. Through our love, Andy and I have made 2 more human beings and with that my heart and soul changed. I am a better (although some days it's hard to see it) person because I have to give my all to two little ones. While some days I look back at the pre-mommy me and wonder what I did with all my time or how it felt to have enough sleep, I never want to go back. Instead I am still in awe and wonder that God has entrusted us to love and keep two little human beings here on earth and I treasure the future with them. Happy 6th Birthday my Celia! I love you!
I can't believe Celia is 6. 6 is starting to get into big time kid. We have moved past infancy, babyness, toddler, and pre-schooler. We are now ankle-deep into school age. How did this happen? How did my beautiful, precious baby become a little girl? My entrance into motherhood happened rather quickly after Andy and I got married. We were not sure I could have children due to my surgeries from UC so we left it up to God. We figured, when HE was ready for us to have a child, we were ready too. Well, HE was ready 6 weeks later and that was the end of our newlywed, only a couple life. After an incredibly long, hard and sickful pregnancy, this beautiful, 6 pound, spitfire became part of our family and I will never be the same. Being a mommy does not completely define who I am, there are many facets to me, but you can never take it out of me. If God forbid, something happened to Celia and Charlie, the momminess would still be in me. I am no longer the same creature I was at 25- I have procreated. Through our love, Andy and I have made 2 more human beings and with that my heart and soul changed. I am a better (although some days it's hard to see it) person because I have to give my all to two little ones. While some days I look back at the pre-mommy me and wonder what I did with all my time or how it felt to have enough sleep, I never want to go back. Instead I am still in awe and wonder that God has entrusted us to love and keep two little human beings here on earth and I treasure the future with them. Happy 6th Birthday my Celia! I love you!
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