Is less the answer?

Today was our first snow day of 2012.  As a teacher, I look forward to snow days.  Yes, come the end of May I will be cursing my cozy days at home when it's 85 degrees outside and a perfect day to play outside, but for now, I love it!  As Celia, Charlie and I hop from one task to another today, I keep reflecting on our life.  Since we've had children, it seems like time has sped up.  My children are speeding their way to high school even though we've just taken our first step into elementary school.  How does this happen?  Where did my babies go?  How can I slow things down? 

Andy and I often talk about adopting more children, but today I realized maybe it's not more children I want (although it would be lovely!), maybe it's time to enjoy the two I have.  For you see, I'm a scheduler.  I used to think this was a good thing.  A happy person is an involved person.  My whole life I've heard, get involved, join things, make a difference.  And now at almost 32 I am involved, I've joined things, we try to make a difference and I'm miserable.  Between work and all our commitments, we have no time.  Every moment is scheduled and functional.  I'm always telling Celia and Charlie "hurry up"  and "we have to go".  Maybe it's time I take a lesson from our son and just stand still  (which is very frustrating when you're trying to leave).  By being so involved, are we teaching Celia and Charlie the lessons we really want them to learn?  Is it really that important for me to keep going to school, for Celia and Charlie to be so involved and go to a private school?  For us to strive for bigger and better even though that means more work and complication?  Ultimately, through my involvement and busyness am I trying to prove my worth to God?  Because while I know in my head this is futile, it's hard to change habits and patterns.

So, today, yes we are getting stuff done at home and spending time together but I am also thinking and praying about how I need to change.  Is busy the answer, or is simplifying?  In the end, I guess the answer lies in what brings peace to my soul, not what society tells me I need to be doing.  The question is how do I change?

Things I love....

Today is my "baby's" birthday.  I can't believe he is four today!  I'm convinced that when you have children, time speeds up.  I am also continually amazed by how incredibly smart, sensitive and loving my children are and humbled by the fact the Lord has blessed me with two incredible beings to take care of on earth.  Really if I was HIM, I don't know if I would have even left me in charge of a fish.  That being said and with Thanksgiving around the corner I have been thinking about the things I love, so here it goes.....

The billion things I love:
1. Making lists (then promptly losing them and later finding them and realizing I completed everything on the list without even having the list!)
2. Making a menu for the week and then actually sticking to it.
3.  Making my children crack up with laughter over silliness.  They are convinced I know how to speak Korean :)
4. How my husband can clean up the kitchen/family room/any room in 15 minutes when it would take me hours because I OBSESS over every detail.
5. How God can not only use my flakiness but planned it they way.
6. When one of my non-speakers can finally speak English and I learn their "story"
7. When you walk outside and you can first smell winter- so fresh!!!
8. Snuggling under my covers after a very busy day
9. Hearing Charlie say "Mom this is the best meal ever!"
10.  Having Charlie say the prayer for dinner- "Thank you God for giving me spider man!  Thank you God for giving me spider man!  Thank you GOD FOR GIIIVVVVIIINGGGGG MMMEEEE ALLLL THHHEEE SUUUUUPPPPERRRR HEEEEROOOOESS!"  Complete with hand movements!
11.  Celia singing Away in a Manager while Andy plays the player.
12. Squinting and looking at Christmas lights.
13. Snow days
14. Thanksgiving
15. A date with my husband.

My list could go on and on, so I will stop here.  But I often get wrapped up in all my "to do" lists that I forget about my "to thank" lists.  In honor of Charlie, I'm "thanking" today.

Balancing work and life- is it possible?

Every year when I go back to work, I get depressed.  It lasts for the first couple of weeks of school and resurfaces after long holidays.  You think I would learn that #1 this was going to happen and I could better prepare myself by taking loads of Vitamin D and... #2 there's going to be another vacation- time's not going to stop in the middle of a long work stretch.  I try to be positive and think about all the good I'm doing in the lives of children, but honestly, I would rather be in bed or playing at the park with my babies.  Today my wonderful friend Meagan sent me a link to an article about working moms and depression rates.  Apparently its all about being realistic.  Who cares if my laundry is always backed up because I work, I have never been a perfectionist so I need to quit pretending in my head that I have all together.  So, we have dishes in our sink, but I also have an incredibly supportive husband, a beautiful, healthy family and am making an impact on a daily basis.  After reading this, I vow to try to be more realistic and relaxed about EVERYTHING!

Enjoy the article, Thanks Meagan!
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Life as an ordinary woman...

I love reading other people's blogs.  The ideas they talk about are really inspiring!  However, as a mommy and a woman, they also often make me feel like sh**.  I mean the pictures they post are of a family who is always having fun and exciting adventures (and getting along), houses that are perfectly put together, clean and creatively decorated, and a life that is well, not at all messy.  I realize that the beauty of a blog is that you can post whatever you want, but these blogs make me feel completely discouraged.  As a working woman, wife, and mother of two, our life is crazy!  When I was in my late teens, early twenties, I would picture my life as I thought it would be when I was a "grown-up".  For some reason, in the image I have in my head I was always in an airport.  I also was taller than I am, very shapely in all the right places and have darker, long, wavy hair (go figure!).  I was wearing a dress- one of those that would gather at the waist with a belt, and I always have on heels and am quite comfortable.  For some reason, I am foreign and can speak several languages.  I have beautiful, well-behaved, curly haired children, and when people looked at me they would think, wow that woman has it all together!

Now at 31, I have come to realize I have to let go of this strange image in my head and embrace my life as it really is- an awesome mix of the ordinary and extraordinary, and extremely messy.  I also cannot be the only woman in this world who struggles with what they thought their life would turn out as and how it has turned out.  It is not that I am unhappy as a wife, mother and working-woman, it is just that my life doesn't match up with that woman who has somehow been engraved in my mind.  So, I want this to be a place where women can share their lives as they really are and embrace all of the joys and messiness of life...